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26th of MidYear, 428 3E
What a strange news day this was and I happened to be in town to see the event play out with my own eyes. Before I get into that I want to mention our own personal (and dull by comparison) news. First, Neldor and I just had our final exams for the summer term and we both passed with flying colors. Now we just wait for our report cards which should be delivered this weekend and find out how many more credits we need to earn our degrees. I am estimating we should only need one more term to have the full forty-eight credits.
Next, we are now the full owners of the local grocery store and dinger. We've been so successful with our farm that we had ample funds to purchase the business outright. It was something we decided to do after hearing through the grapevine that Dagoth Vemyn and Mistress Therana were intending to buy it. In fact they intended for the new name and slogan to be "Everfresh like our zombies".
There was no telling what they would have done with the business, but now the community can be sure that "Rosewood Grocery" will always carry good, wholesome foods and dairy products.
Now for community news; it was announced in the paper that Sir Anaril of Sunhold and Lady Vallisara of Shimmerene are now engaged. As I mentioned before, I want to be happy for them, and on paper they look like a perfect match. Both are Altmers from high ranking noble Summerset families. Anaril was once King Reman's Champion, and Vallisara's parents had intended to offer to the king as an official royal concubine. This is the reason that Vallisara ran away from home. She knew that my Aunt Morgiah, the wife of King Reman, will not tolerate any competition for the King of Summerset's affection. Being a concubine would have been harzardous to Vallisara's health.
So again, she and Anaril look good on paper, but Vallisara is a flighty sort while Anaril is far more calm and conservative. Perhaps they will end up balancing each other out. I hope so anyway. They are both nice people and those of us who know them would like them to be happy.
Next comes the crazy news. The paper had an article about this but since I happened to be at the "right place at the right time" I can describe what happened in my own words. The headline said;
Four-way Scuffle Breaks Out Between Grouches and Perverts at Community Cat Jungle
The Little Acres Community Cat Jungle consists of a small manor-like house surrounded by a fenced in yard filled with flowers, benches, and play castles for cats. Not only do town residents sometimes bring their pet cats there to interact and play, but Little Acres also serves as safe spot where stray cats can find food and shelter. For some strange reason, Gilvoth and Neloth (known to the town as the Grouches) decided to come to Little Acres to discuss the details of their bean business. At the same time Odros and Crassius (known as the Perverts) came to Little Acres to sit on the benches in the garden and discuss their own business. This was like fire and ice colliding with each other.
Neloth and Gilvoth became aware of the Perverts' presence when they heard Crassius say to Odros, "I'm a fan of Tanor the Sleaze's work, but really, you can't make a living off how he operates. If he wants to complain about my techniques, he can go right ahead. I don't care one bit."
The Grouches came stomping out of the manor and approached the perverts. Speaking in a shrill tone, Gilvoth snapped, "Get out of here! We were here first"
Neloth agreed, "Indeed! Why don't you both take your perversions somewhere else? Like to the opposite side of Tamriel!"
Odros responded with, "Perversions? You're the one who was levitating naked over Sadrith Mora."
Neloth sputtered before insisting, "I did not!"
Crassius pointed out, "But there are memory images that were taken of you hovering above the town. Not to mention the song that was made up about it, how you were flying away, baring your skin to the air."
Clenching his fists, Neloth snarled, "Those images were manipulated! I have never ever levitated naked above Sadrith Mora!"
Appearing to enjoy yanking the grouches' chains, Odros stated, "Ah, I see. You levitated naked above some other town. Which one was it?"
Smiling, Crassius said soothingly, "You can tell us, my delectable Pudding Pie."
"I'm not your Pudding Pie!" Neloth snarled.
Odros chuckled and said to Crassius, "I'm afraid he's right, my friend. He's not your Pudding Pie. He's Gilvoth's Pudding Pie."
Gilvoth countered with a shriek that bounced off the walls of the surrounding buildings, "Neloth is NOT my Pudding Pie!"
With a delighted laugh, Crassius asked, "He isn't? Splendid! That means that Neloth is free to be my Pudding Pie!"
"I am NOT and will never be your Pudding Pie, you revolting Imperial swine!" Neloth yelled before moving forward to give Crassius another kick in the groin. This resulted in Odros rushing forward to intercept Neloth's assault, and that led to Gilvoth rushing at Odros to prevent Neloth from being punched in the face. Within seconds the four individuals were locked together in a violent scuffle that kicked up a large cloud of dust and caused every cat in the park to leave the premises.
Law enforcement showed up and broke up the fight. When the Grouches and Perverts were asked if they wanted to pay fines for disturbing the peace or be taken to jail, Crassius' response was, "Well, it depends. Does the jail have a group shower? And if so will we be showering with Neloth?"
Before either Darkfell or Anaril could reply, Neloth shouted, "I am not showering with Pinky the Pervert!"
Another fight would have broken out if Anaril and Darkfell would not have used calming enchantments on the Grouches and Perverts. After several more minutes it was agreed that both teams would pay a fine and then go to their respective homes to cool off. This was by no means the first fines they had all paid and it's unlikely to be the last.
In fact the news article closed with;
Officials at Town Hall have stated that with these fines the town's treasury now has almost enough money to expand the school house. To fully reach our goal for the school house, residents are encouraged to go out and pick fights with their neighbors so that they too may pay fines for disturbing the peace.
Remember, it's for the children.
At times I'm amazed that Sheogorath himself doesn't have a home in New Pelagiad. I've said it before and I'll say it again...and likely again...this place is crazy.
*~*~*
Cue the Northern Exposure opening music.
What a strange news day this was and I happened to be in town to see the event play out with my own eyes. Before I get into that I want to mention our own personal (and dull by comparison) news. First, Neldor and I just had our final exams for the summer term and we both passed with flying colors. Now we just wait for our report cards which should be delivered this weekend and find out how many more credits we need to earn our degrees. I am estimating we should only need one more term to have the full forty-eight credits.
Next, we are now the full owners of the local grocery store and dinger. We've been so successful with our farm that we had ample funds to purchase the business outright. It was something we decided to do after hearing through the grapevine that Dagoth Vemyn and Mistress Therana were intending to buy it. In fact they intended for the new name and slogan to be "Everfresh like our zombies".
There was no telling what they would have done with the business, but now the community can be sure that "Rosewood Grocery" will always carry good, wholesome foods and dairy products.
Now for community news; it was announced in the paper that Sir Anaril of Sunhold and Lady Vallisara of Shimmerene are now engaged. As I mentioned before, I want to be happy for them, and on paper they look like a perfect match. Both are Altmers from high ranking noble Summerset families. Anaril was once King Reman's Champion, and Vallisara's parents had intended to offer to the king as an official royal concubine. This is the reason that Vallisara ran away from home. She knew that my Aunt Morgiah, the wife of King Reman, will not tolerate any competition for the King of Summerset's affection. Being a concubine would have been harzardous to Vallisara's health.
So again, she and Anaril look good on paper, but Vallisara is a flighty sort while Anaril is far more calm and conservative. Perhaps they will end up balancing each other out. I hope so anyway. They are both nice people and those of us who know them would like them to be happy.
Next comes the crazy news. The paper had an article about this but since I happened to be at the "right place at the right time" I can describe what happened in my own words. The headline said;
The Little Acres Community Cat Jungle consists of a small manor-like house surrounded by a fenced in yard filled with flowers, benches, and play castles for cats. Not only do town residents sometimes bring their pet cats there to interact and play, but Little Acres also serves as safe spot where stray cats can find food and shelter. For some strange reason, Gilvoth and Neloth (known to the town as the Grouches) decided to come to Little Acres to discuss the details of their bean business. At the same time Odros and Crassius (known as the Perverts) came to Little Acres to sit on the benches in the garden and discuss their own business. This was like fire and ice colliding with each other.
Neloth and Gilvoth became aware of the Perverts' presence when they heard Crassius say to Odros, "I'm a fan of Tanor the Sleaze's work, but really, you can't make a living off how he operates. If he wants to complain about my techniques, he can go right ahead. I don't care one bit."
The Grouches came stomping out of the manor and approached the perverts. Speaking in a shrill tone, Gilvoth snapped, "Get out of here! We were here first"
Neloth agreed, "Indeed! Why don't you both take your perversions somewhere else? Like to the opposite side of Tamriel!"
Odros responded with, "Perversions? You're the one who was levitating naked over Sadrith Mora."
Neloth sputtered before insisting, "I did not!"
Crassius pointed out, "But there are memory images that were taken of you hovering above the town. Not to mention the song that was made up about it, how you were flying away, baring your skin to the air."
Clenching his fists, Neloth snarled, "Those images were manipulated! I have never ever levitated naked above Sadrith Mora!"
Appearing to enjoy yanking the grouches' chains, Odros stated, "Ah, I see. You levitated naked above some other town. Which one was it?"
Smiling, Crassius said soothingly, "You can tell us, my delectable Pudding Pie."
"I'm not your Pudding Pie!" Neloth snarled.
Odros chuckled and said to Crassius, "I'm afraid he's right, my friend. He's not your Pudding Pie. He's Gilvoth's Pudding Pie."
Gilvoth countered with a shriek that bounced off the walls of the surrounding buildings, "Neloth is NOT my Pudding Pie!"
With a delighted laugh, Crassius asked, "He isn't? Splendid! That means that Neloth is free to be my Pudding Pie!"
"I am NOT and will never be your Pudding Pie, you revolting Imperial swine!" Neloth yelled before moving forward to give Crassius another kick in the groin. This resulted in Odros rushing forward to intercept Neloth's assault, and that led to Gilvoth rushing at Odros to prevent Neloth from being punched in the face. Within seconds the four individuals were locked together in a violent scuffle that kicked up a large cloud of dust and caused every cat in the park to leave the premises.
Law enforcement showed up and broke up the fight. When the Grouches and Perverts were asked if they wanted to pay fines for disturbing the peace or be taken to jail, Crassius' response was, "Well, it depends. Does the jail have a group shower? And if so will we be showering with Neloth?"
Before either Darkfell or Anaril could reply, Neloth shouted, "I am not showering with Pinky the Pervert!"
Another fight would have broken out if Anaril and Darkfell would not have used calming enchantments on the Grouches and Perverts. After several more minutes it was agreed that both teams would pay a fine and then go to their respective homes to cool off. This was by no means the first fines they had all paid and it's unlikely to be the last.
In fact the news article closed with;
Officials at Town Hall have stated that with these fines the town's treasury now has almost enough money to expand the school house. To fully reach our goal for the school house, residents are encouraged to go out and pick fights with their neighbors so that they too may pay fines for disturbing the peace.
Remember, it's for the children.
At times I'm amazed that Sheogorath himself doesn't have a home in New Pelagiad. I've said it before and I'll say it again...and likely again...this place is crazy.
Cue the Northern Exposure opening music.
